After watching my tenth episode of Deadliest Catch I’ve firmly decided that I cannot be a crab fisherman in Alaska. I cannot be a fisherman anywhere. I grew up near the ocean and only learned when I was 24 that a “keeper” was not a kind of fish. These guys have faces that look like they were carved out of the bottom of ashtrays, and they don’t seem to sleep…ever. Massive engines break down for no reason and they have to get down in the engine room and fix things up with some duct tape and bubblegum while massive waves clobber the boat. I’d rather be on Apollo 13.